Rank Test Lecture by Grandmaster Gedo Chang
Today I would like to introduce 31 statements you should not say to others, particularly to your children, according to experts in language and behavior.
Category 1: You should not say words that will hurt or damage your children’s self-pride.
1. Are you a capable boy (girl)? (And you call yourself a boy?)
2. There, you have failed again!
3. You are nothing – you are so useless!
Category 2: Words that can kill their confidence!
4. How the heck old are you?
5. You are hopeless, impossible.
6. You are stupid – dumb.
7. You cannot do it – you can try, but I know you’re not capable!
8. You are stupid — who do you take after??
Category 3: Words which will destroy voluntary action.
9. You are not capable of doing anything on your own, so just do as I say.
10. I am right – you don’t know anything about it.
11. Those clothes look terrible on you! You look ridiculous!
12. Keep whining and I will stop feeding you.
Category 4: The words that will make them feel burdened.
13. You had better not fail.
14. You are the only son or (daughter) for mom and dad.
15. Everything mom and dad do is for you!
16. You are the center of my life!
Category 5: Words that will cause anxiety.
17. If you don’t behave, I will abandon you.
18. If you are not going to listen to me, just get out of my sight.
19. You are not my son (or daughter).
20. I’m suffering a lot because of you!
Category 6: Words that will diminish their creativity.
21. You will understand when you grow up.
22. Don’t ask me, I am busy now!
23. Don’t waste your time on such stupid things — just study!
24. Don’t say such non-sense.
Category 7: Words which will make them become apathetic.
25. What a surprise! You are actually studying?
26. Don’t even look up a tree that you cannot climb!
27. Acting like your children’s performance is nothing, like it is garbage to you.
28. Are you going to quit again before you finish?
Category 8: Words which will make them feel inferior.
29. Your classmate “Tom” already accomplished advanced math before you!
30. The next door boy, Bill, does well even without his parents’ help!
31. How come you are not as good as your friends?
Finally, I would ask you to honestly evaluate how you are doing as parents, elders, and teachers?
Thank you very much!
Master Gedo Chang